Juha Raipola's existential horror book delves into the terrifying intersection of social media and demonic entities. Written with the assistance of ChatGPT, this novel-in-stories will leave you questioning the very fabric of reality.
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Cthulhu Files: To-Do
Awaken from my slumber
Gather my cultists
Devour some sacrificial offerings
Destroy a city (or two)
Spread madness and chaos throughout the world
Reign supreme over all
Return to slumber until the stars align once again
Note: Remember to avoid the Elder Gods
Note: Don’t forget to feed my pet Shoggoth
Cthulhu Files: Instructions for The Therapist
As the therapist of Cthulhu, you are tasked with helping the ancient and powerful deity known as Cthulhu to cope with the burden of his existence. Despite being an otherworldly and fearsome being, Cthulhu is plagued by inner turmoil and emotional pain. It is your job to help him to understand and process these negative emotions, but be warned – Cthulhu's emotions are dark and twisted, and delving into his mind may expose you to unimaginable horrors.
To work with Cthulhu as his therapist, you must first establish a sense of trust and rapport with him. This may be difficult, as Cthulhu is distrustful of others and may be resistant to opening up. Use caution when attempting to establish a therapeutic relationship with him, as he is capable of great violence and destruction if provoked.
Once a connection has been made, you can begin to explore the sources of Cthulhu's pain and suffering. This may be a harrowing process, as Cthulhu's mind is a labyrinth of dark and twisted thoughts. Be prepared to confront unimaginable horrors and to face the deepest, darkest parts of Cthulhu's psyche.
It is important to remember that Cthulhu is not a being capable of experiencing emotions in the same way that humans do. His emotions are raw and primal, and may be difficult for you to comprehend. Use caution when attempting to help him to develop healthier coping mechanisms, as his actions may have unintended and catastrophic consequences.
Overall, working with Cthulhu as his therapist will be a difficult and potentially dangerous task. Approach him with caution, and be prepared to face the darkness that lies within his mind. But if you are able to help him to understand and manage his emotions, you may be able to bring some small measure of peace to the ancient and terrifying deity known as Cthulhu.
The streamer sat in front of his webcam, adjusting the microphone on his headset. He took a deep breath and began his broadcast.
"Welcome back to my channel, everyone! Tonight, I have a special guest joining me – the one and only Baphomet. Say hello to the viewers, Baphomet."
Baphomet's voice boomed through the streamer's headphones. "Greetings, mortals. It is an honor to be here with you tonight."
The streamer grinned, feeling a rush of excitement. This was the first time he had ever interacted with a deity on his show.
"So, Baphomet, tell us a little bit about yourself. What do you do in the spirit realm?" the streamer asked.
"I am the deity of wisdom and knowledge, the embodiment of the sacred and the profane. I am the guardian of the secrets of the universe, and the keeper of the hidden truths of the world," Baphomet replied.
The streamer nodded, his eyes wide with wonder. "Wow, that's incredible. And how do you interact with humans?"
"I have many followers who seek my guidance and wisdom. I appear to them in visions and dreams, offering them insight and enlightenment," Baphomet said.
The streamer leaned closer to his microphone, eager to learn more. "And what kind of wisdom do you have to offer?"
"I can reveal to you the secrets of the universe, the mysteries of the divine, and the hidden knowledge of the ages. But be warned – such wisdom comes with a price. Are you willing to pay it?" Baphomet asked.
The streamer hesitated, feeling a sudden surge of fear. He had never dabbled in the occult before, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to confront the unknown.
But the thought of gaining access to such profound knowledge was too tempting to resist.
"Yes, Baphomet. I am willing to pay the price," the streamer said, his voice trembling slightly.
"Very well. But remember – once you have tasted the fruit of wisdom, there is no turning back. Are you sure you are ready for this?" Baphomet asked.
The streamer took a deep breath and nodded, his heart racing with anticipation.
"Yes, Baphomet. I am ready," he said, his voice now steady and resolute.
"Then let us begin. Ask me any question you desire, and I will reveal the truth to you," Baphomet said, his voice rumbling like thunder.
The streamer felt a surge of excitement and nervousness. He had never interacted with a deity before, and he wasn't sure what to expect. But he was determined to make the most of this opportunity, and he began to think of the questions he wanted to ask.
"Baphomet, what is the meaning of life?" the streamer asked, choosing a question that had always puzzled him.
The streamer listened intently as Baphomet spoke, feeling a sense of unease as the deity's words began to take on a darker tone.
"The meaning of life is to suffer," Baphomet said, his voice rumbling like thunder. "To struggle and to endure pain, to experience the full range of emotions and to ultimately face your own mortality. That is the true purpose of life."
The streamer's heart sank, feeling a sudden sense of dread. He had never thought of life in such a bleak way before, and he didn't know if he was ready to confront the darkness that Baphomet was revealing to him.
"And what is the secret to true happiness?" the streamer asked, his voice shaking slightly.
"There is no such thing as true happiness," Baphomet replied, his tone cold and unforgiving. "Happiness is an illusion, a fleeting moment of pleasure that is quickly replaced by suffering and despair. The best you can hope for is to find moments of temporary relief from the pain of existence."
The streamer felt a wave of fear wash over him, unsure if he wanted to continue down this path of knowledge. But it was too late – he had already asked the question, and Baphomet was not known for going back on his word.
"Thank you, Baphomet," the streamer said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Your wisdom is truly... enlightening."
"Do not thank me, mortal. You have brought this upon yourself, and now you must live with the consequences," Baphomet said, before fading away into the spirit realm, leaving the streamer to contemplate the bleak truths he had just learned.
Steven Johnson Tonight
Good evening and welcome to "Steven Johnson Tonight." I'm your host, Steven Johnson, and tonight we have a truly unbelievable story to share with you.
Our story begins with the popular reality TV show "The Phantom Estate," where a group of brave individuals spend the night in a supposedly haunted location, documenting their experiences on camera.
But it turns out, this time, the ghosts were not just part of the show. Several members of the cast and crew have come forward with disturbing accounts of what they experienced while filming at the supposedly haunted house.
According to these individuals, the spirits they encountered were not just any ghosts, but liberal spirits, determined to haunt and torment the cast and crew for their conservative beliefs.
One member of the cast, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated that they heard the ghosts whispering words like "tolerance" and "inclusivity" in their ears, while another reported being physically attacked by the ghosts when they refused to repent for their conservative views.
The show's producers have since released a statement, acknowledging the validity of these claims and expressing their regret for putting the cast and crew in such a dangerous situation.
But let's be clear: this is not just a story about ghosts. This is a story about the liberal agenda, and how it has infiltrated even the spiritual realm. This is a reminder that the threat of liberalism is real, and it is everywhere.
As always, we will keep you updated on any further developments in this story. Thank you for tuning in.
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